3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
We're facebook friends in real life
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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