Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
