Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
