I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
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