she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I am naked and annoyed.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
