remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
