nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
