doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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