i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
