I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
