All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
