but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
