after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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