Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
