She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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