We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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