yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
