You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
