He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I understand Curling. That high.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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