Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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