My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
