you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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