I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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