tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
