On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
