But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
