I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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