I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
