i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
