arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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