I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I wear drunk well.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
