I wish I only lived at night.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
