You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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