My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
