Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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