Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
