im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
