I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
