No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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