I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
