Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Randomize
