The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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