Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
