Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You ate ashes out of my bong
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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