I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
