I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
