Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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