I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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