screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
