I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
