Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
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