as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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