can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
