i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
