Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
