just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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