4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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