My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
