What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
