umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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