Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
