Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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