Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
